


Amnesia

by wardenmages



Series: Evolve [3]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Detroit Evolution, Detroit Evolution Artfest (Detroit: Become Human), M/M, Memory Loss, Mild Hurt/Comfort, but mostly comfort because I'm a weenie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25115710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wardenmages/pseuds/wardenmages
Summary: (Written for the Detroit Evolution Artfest)Nines has a routine of objectives and directions that appear in his HUD every morning he wakes at Gavin's house after the events with Ada.There are smaller objectives listed along with it, ordering him to make sure Gavin isn’t alone when he wakes up, not to cook, not to scan him, not to crowd him. That if Gavin asks Nines to go into work ahead of him, not to argue. To just make sure he says "I love you" and that he’ll see him soon, and go.He doesn’t know how they got there.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Series: Evolve [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812487
Comments: 2
Kudos: 78





	Amnesia

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be much more angsty and sad but I accidentally made it soft. I just really like happy endings and I can't make my boys sad :(
> 
> This story is written specifically for Detroit Evolution. I think it's still easy to understand without having seen it, but also everyone should see it uwu

Nines has a routine.

Every morning he leaves stasis at five and enjoys the quiet peace of the morning. By that time, Gavin is typically asleep, even if he’s only just reached it. Depending on the day, Nines might have Gavin in his arms, or Gavin might be holding him; on the worst days, he wakes up alone. Those days, he usually finds Gavin curled up on the couch in a tightly coiled ball of frustration, so he grabs the weighted blanket from the end of the bed and gently drapes it over him. He sets up the kitchen so even his chronically sleep-deprived partner can find the bread or frying pan as he wanders. He always makes sure he’s either back in bed with Gavin, or sitting in the living room on the nearby chair, so the first thing Gavin sees is him.

At seven, he checks that Gavin wakes up with his alarm, then gives him space. All he has to do is get dressed, so he lounges around the apartment while Gavin prepares for their day. 

He never makes breakfast or coffee himself. He doesn’t touch Gavin’s side of their closet, or anything in the bathroom besides what he needs to clean himself. He has a directive in the corner of his HUD every morning instructing him not to.

He doesn’t know how it got there. He didn’t write it, but it’s marked as urgent, and he doesn’t know why. There are smaller objectives listed along with it, ordering him to make sure Gavin isn’t alone when he wakes up, not to cook, not to scan him, not to crowd him. That if Gavin asks Nines to go into work ahead of him, not to argue. To just make sure he says _I love you_ and that he’ll see him soon, and go. 

It’s so specific that it has to be referring to a particular event, but all he knows is that it happened the day everything went down with Ada. There is a blank spot in his memory files and no matter how many hours he spends scanning he can’t figure out what it was. He can see himself in the garden with his simulation of Gavin, waking up to Gavin’s distressed noises from the bedroom, then... a blank spot until their meeting at New Jericho. Even the footage of him recalling the memory at that meeting is corrupted, and Nines has no idea why.

The only person who could know what happened is Gavin, and Nines will not ask him. Clearly something happened to cause that reaction, and from what he does remember of the aftermath, he is positive it was unpleasant. He doesn’t want to remind Gavin of what might be a very painful moment.

But he also hates not knowing. 

“I copied your software, but not your memories,” Ada tells him while they walk through a park near New Jericho. “I didn’t touch those. It wouldn’t have mattered to me - I didn’t want your deviancy.”

“I don’t understand where it could have gone,” he mumbles miserably.

Ada loops her arm around his. “I’m sorry, Nines.”

“It’s not your fault.” He can’t help but smile as she bumps her head against his shoulder. “I just... wish there was a way to get it back.”

“You’ll figure it out.”

He hums. “Would you... be comfortable helping me look?”

Ada hesitates. She doesn’t like to interface, and he knows doing it with _him_ is worse. The only person he’s seen her interface with is North as they bonded now that Ada was a deviant.

“It’s alright if the answer is no.”

“I’ll do it,” she says firmly.

She’s incredibly gentle and cautious as she opens the interface where her hand touches his arm and her skin pulls back from her hand. It takes more effort than he’d like to hold himself back to snapping the connection shut. Clearly they both have some baggage to work through still about what happened.

“Oh,” she says. Her voice is far too calm. “You deleted it.”

“Wh- What? _Why?_ ”

“When you reset your mind palace. It looks like the process took the memory files of that night and morning with it.”

There’s a sinking feeling in his chest. When he deleted the AI that lived in his garden. “Gavin.”

“... Yes. The memories were attached to him, so when he went away, so did the files.”

“So there’s no way to get them back.”

“No,” she murmurs. “I’m so sorry, Nines.”

He covers her hand with his and smiles just a little. “It isn’t your fault. _You_ didn’t do this.”

“I... I’ll try to see if any of it copied over, when I’m doing maintenance tonight,” she offers.

“I appreciate it.”

It takes three weeks before Gavin says something.

“I have to say something and I dunno how to say it without sounding stupid, so just, let me get it out,” he blurts out.

They’re cuddled up together on the couch watching one of Gavin’s favorite insomnia movies that he’s seen a thousand times, and already Nines knows by heart without searching for the script. It had been a very long day, and it looked like it would be a long night as well.

“Take your time,” Nines says softly.

“Right. Okay.” Gavin pauses again, fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve. “I never... really apologized for all that shit I said that morning. When we fought. I was an asshole and you didn’t deserve it.”

His systems stutter to a halt. 

_Oh no._

Gavin continues, not seeing his panic. “I just... know you’ve been walking on eggshells every morning, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do that.”

He opens his mouth to speak but can’t think of how to respond. Just accept the apology and apologize back, say it’s okay, _anything_ -

Gavin takes his silence for refusal and tenses as he sits up, and no, that’s not what Nines wants- “I’m just. Gonna try sleeping. Or something. I just needed to say it, you don’t...”

“Gavin, wait!”

The tension remains, but he doesn’t leave. Nines hesitates but still can’t find the words. Something happened that morning, and the night before it. It was important. Important enough for Gavin to feel the need to apologize long after Nines forgave him, whether or not he was forgiven again. It was what caused the persistent message in his HUD he couldn’t understand. He doesn’t want to talk about it, tell Gavin that such an important point in their relationship was just... missing... but he can’t push Gavin away, either.

“What?” Gavin grumbles, clearing his throat. 

“I am missing some of my memories from that time as a consequence of the damage to my software,” he starts. His hands are shaking in his lap. “I don’t know what our fight was about. I wish I did. I know I would forgive you regardless, but I know it doesn’t mean as much.”

“... How much do you remember?”

Nines winces. “You go to bed, I enter stasis, wake up when I hear sounds from your room, and then we’re in New Jericho the next day, arguing over something.”

He can’t read Gavin’s expression. He’s usually better at this. He would know Gavin even without his senses. Gavin is consistent, even if others can’t figure out his patterns. But now, when he needs that consistency, something to hold onto, he can’t find it. 

Then Gavin stands from the couch. His hands are trembling at his sides and he looks like he’s about to vibrate out of his skin. “I, um. I need to think for a bit. Can we talk about it in the morning?”

Something sinks in his chest.

“Alright,” he says quietly. He can’t hide how his own voice shakes. “I’ll stay out here tonight.”

Gavin stares at him, mouth hanging open for a moment. “I mean, if you want, but I, ah, don’t mind you staying. I want you with me.”

“You do?”

“Duh. I can’t sleep without you there.”

Nines almost wishes he could see his own face because he knows his smile must look ridiculous. “Of course.”

He stands, and Gavin immediately grabs his hands and squeezes them gently between his own. Nines still isn’t entirely sure how to feel, but if Gavin still wants him nearby, he’ll be there. Always. 

“I’m not mad,” Gavin mumbles. “A lot happened, stuff I want you to know, but I just can’t right now.”

He nods, and Gavin gently pushes him towards the bedroom.

Settled in bed, the weight of it sits heavier on his chest. He sorts through the memories again, like if he just searches one more time they’ll appear. He sees the petty argument in Ada’s office, the confrontation outside after the meeting, Gavin rushing away saying _I can’t talk about this right now_ , but he feels nothing. It was painful at the time but now it’s like watching a movie, events that happened to someone else.

Nines ignores all of the alerts and objectives for the day. Gavin manages to sleep for four hours: much more than he expected to, and only an hour short of what Nines hoped for. They still have twenty minutes until their alarm goes off at nine. Nines watches his internal clock tick forward while running his hand up and down Gavin’s arm. Gavin presses his face into Nines’ shoulder with a grumble.

“Good morning,” Nines says softly.

“Hey,” he mumbles lazily. “D’we have work today?”

“No. Would you like to try and sleep a little more?”

“Nah. Lemme just, coffee.”

“I can make it, if you’d like.”

Gavin pauses for a moment before nodding. “Thanks.”

Nines gently lifts Gavin’s arm to sneak out from under him, only to be caught by a hand pulling him back. Gavin kisses him slowly, carefully touching Nines’ cheek, before backing away. Nines smiles and kisses Gavin’s palm before he can go too far.

“I’ll see you in a minute,” he murmurs.

It feels strange to be making him coffee at home. At the precinct he always does it just to make Gavin’s life a little easier, but he’s never done it here. He can hear Gavin moving around the bedroom. Now that the conversation is looming again, he’s... nervous. Gavin said he wasn’t angry, and Nines believes him, but there is a difference between knowing and _knowing._

Emotions are so complicated.

Gavin wanders into the kitchen, now wearing a hoodie and worn jeans. He looks just as nervous as Nines feels, which shouldn’t feel as comforting as it does. He pours the coffee, puts in equal parts cream and sugar, then turns to set it on the kitchen table in front of Gavin. Gavin smiles and nudges Nines with his elbow as a _thank you._ He takes one long sip, wincing as he likely burns himself doing so, and sets it back down. 

“We can talk now, if that’s okay,” he says gruffly, clearing his throat. 

“Of course.”

He cautiously moves the other chair to sit beside Gavin. Gavin wraps his hands around the mug before jerking them back and folding his arms on the table instead.

“That night, uh, when you stayed over... I was having a really fucked up dream,” Gavin starts, fidgeting with his sleeves. “You came and woke me up, and I freaked out... until I saw it was you. We ended up sitting together in the bed and held hands, and I fell asleep on you.”

“What was the dream about?”

Gavin hesitates. Nines rests his arm on the table, palm facing up, and after a long moment Gavin rests his hand on top. He’s trembling even more than before. This meant something to him, something Nines didn’t understand.

“I was a fucked up kid. Dropped out of high school, started dealing - the normal stuff at first, then red ice when it got big. One day I just couldn’t do it anymore, and I quit, so all of my _friends_ beat the shit out of me. I was just... lying in the snow somewhere, I can’t even fucking remember where, pretty sure I was gonna die, then Fowler found me. Drove me to a diner, got me a hotel room to clean up, gave me an internship. But in the dream, that part doesn’t happen. I just die there, alone.”

“Gavin...”

“That night I just didn’t want to be alone, I was having a panic attack and... you were there. You didn’t leave. I gave you an out but you wouldn’t take it.”

“Never.”

Gavin gives him a thin smile and laces their fingers together. “I know that now.”

“So what happened after that?”

“I woke up the next morning and you weren’t there. You got up early to make me coffee and breakfast and got super domestic, and it freaked me out. I didn’t know how to handle it. We both, uh, said some really fucked up things, and I kicked you out.”

“What did we say?”

He grabs his mug again with his free hand. “I told you to meet me at work, and wipe your memories of that night. It was just... so fucked up. You-”

He cuts himself off abruptly, and his arm twitches like he’s fighting the impulse to pull away. It’s clearly still an open wound. Nines wishes he could apologize for what he said, but he doesn’t even know what he would be apologizing for. If anyone else had made Gavin feel this way, Nines would take them out. He doesn’t know what to do with the knowledge that he did it himself.

“You said you weren’t gonna leave because I regretted acting like a person,” he finally finishes. “I deserved it after what I said, I was such an asshole.”

Shit.

He never should have said that. Why would he say that? Especially after seeing Gavin at his most vulnerable, learning something so deeply personal about him...

Nines gently squeezes his hand, rubbing the back of Gavin’s hand with his thumb. “You didn’t deserve that. I’m so, so sorry, I never should have said that...”

“It’s okay.”

“No it isn’t,” he argues. “I should have known better.”

“It’s okay _now_ ,” Gavin corrects himself. “Hey, your light’s red, it’s okay I promise.”

“How can it be _okay?_ ”

Gavin snorts and squeezes his hand. “Uh, because I told you the fucked up thing I said and you were still more worried about hurting my feelings? I know you didn’t mean it.”

“But _I_ don’t know that.”

Gavin takes his hand back, and the sinking feeling returns. Before he can even process it, Gavin’s hands move to his face, one on each cheek, and gently turn him to look directly into Gavin’s eyes. All of the smiles from his attempt at joking are gone now, and Nines can’t read what his expression is now.

“Do you trust me?” Gavin asks slowly.

Nines nods. If there is anything he knows in the world, it’s that he trusts Gavin Reed. No missing memories could take that away.

“Then trust me to tell you when I’m not okay. I’m not mad. We both screwed up, me more than you, and we fixed it. It’s not your fault your files got all screwed up, either.”

“... Alright.”

“Good.”

Gavin leans in to kiss him, running his thumb across his cheekbone. They’ve kissed hundreds of times since that night in the station, but this feels different. Not more - their first kiss was everything he could have wanted and so very _them_ that he couldn’t imagine it happening any other way - but now he knows exactly how much it means to Gavin. If Gavin is happy, he’s happy. Nothing else matters.

When Gavin sits back, he almost immediately cracks a grin and starts laughing. 

“You’re literally the poster child for _puppy eyes_ , you know that right?” He frowns and Gavin just laughs harder. “You’re even pouting! Holy shit you have _Disney prince_ eyes right now.”

“I hate you.”

Gavin plants another kiss on his lips, not-so-subtly shifting his weight closer to Nines’ lap. “You love me.”

Nines rolls his eyes and wrangles Gavin closer, trying desperately to ignore his boyfriend giggling at his expense. “I love you.”

“And I love you too. Don’t ever forget that part, okay?”

“Okay.”


End file.
